After the co-foundation (6) of the Dynamic School in September 2015 followed by 1 year of Instruction In Family (IEF), I am left on the creation of a new school.
New philosophy, new place, and soon new team (everything soon? I hope, but we must already find it !!)
The IEF is a default choice for us, and it’s not easy (like any default choice, in the first place). Note that my children do not look unhappy, eh … but that’s not what I want for them, and most importantly, that’s not what I want for us . We = family entity papa-mom-children. Just as it was not the classical school I wanted for them, and for us (and that my children do not want either!)
I just finished the Beta version of my school project, which I submitted to 6 people for constructive feedback and help me move forward. But I’m alone . I really feel SUPER ONE in this Pharaonic project. And being alone on this kind of project is the royal way to doubt until you give up everything.
To doubt his decisions, his choices, because the question is how far one is willing to fight to impose one’s values.
What can we give up, what can we grab?
Is compromise dictated by fear? By reason? On which can I trim to advance?
WHAT IS THE GOOD DECISION ??
(my mother voluntarily tilted the horizon of this photo, p)
Creating a school is anything but simple. Already being a parent is not easy, so create a school? Ah ah !
Regularly, I am tortured by monstrous doubts , which prevent me from falling asleep and make me lose confidence: “BUT WHAT DO YOU DO TO DO ??! “
shoutyell voices in my head. And then sometimes there are voices around that tell me (+ or – directly) that:
- my project is crazy (not in the good sense of the word)
- that I ‘m crazy (subtitled “how can you think of being able to?” )
- and then the best: to stop dreaming (subtitled = “put your children back to school and stop your little rainbow dreams: life is difficult, stop thinking that you are different, everybody does it like that and not otherwise “- with option: I would do this because I want to escape the” constraints “of life ( ” I also in my job there are things that I like not to do, but hey, we can not escape, there are all the constraints in life “ ). Hum … moldy argument: I would say, on the contrary, that I come right in, in constraints !!
And sometimes – it’s the + terrible – it’s from the inside that these voices come …
sometimesoften I am 2 fingers to give up . After all, it would be easy: I just have to hand over my children to school at the beginning of the school year (CM2 / 5ème) and find me a job, +/- food. And continue my passion for writing through my blog and new books . In view of the% of the royalties and because I pay taxes on the little I touch, it does not allow me to live but at least “I do like everyone” , I do not disturb the ” established order: I have children -> I put them in school, and I have a “normal” job. And I can endure the crises in the morning to go there, the barefoot evaluations, the disputes around homework, the time wasted. And above all the values that diverge so much from mine.
BUT NO. Because I can not bring myself to “abandon” . Abandon this project, give up my dream of creating a school, give up this education that I want for my children. That includes the school, where children spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and so many weeks a year.
Sometimes people say to me, “You’re so brave to get involved in this!” “ .
No … I’m not “courageous.” Not that we were “brave”, Dad and I, when our daughter was born with serious health concerns , or when she was operated with an open heart at 6 months, and hand at 14 months then 9 years. Not that we are going to be “brave” when the new operation of the heart will happen in the coming months. We were not brave because we just had no choice: it was and it is our desire and our duty to be there for our daughter, to accompany her to the best, to protect her, to love at all costs, still + in painful and difficult moments (from kisses to papa, to 2 one is so strong + 3)
To accompany my daughter like creating a school is not courage = it is simply the refusal and the inability to give up.
I can not give up. I am missing a “cancel = ON / OFF” button.
I can not make up my mind not to fight for my children. Struggle to offer them the education I believe to be the “best” (with my values, and with the human and material means at my disposal) and fight to create the school that I dream of for them.
In the depths of doubt and fear, there is always that tiny part of me that rebels and refuses to give up. Even if I really wanted to give up, I have the feeling that I would not get there !!
Sometimes I feel in the discussions, among the misunderstandings and doubts of others, a touch of aggressiveness: I do not like everyone else, but why turn me over this bitterness or even aggressiveness? So I say: no, if I have taken my children out of school, and if I want to create another school, I do not do it againstyou: I do it for ourselves . (exactly like deciding not to have TV … Auj it became well + current but 8 years ago, we were seen as dangerous social terrorists!)
In the criticisms of others, there is also this accusation of “lightness” which quickly turns into an accusation of condescension = I am lucky to live in a free and rich country, in peace, to have a roof, to leave on vacation … so why do I groan after school after society? Frankly: I should look at what is happening elsewhere in the world, and stop complaining, and find a “normal” job, and put my children to school like everyone else!
Well, not rightly, this argument I return as a glove: because I am lucky enough to live under these conditions, I refuse to remain passive . Because we live in a free and rich country, we should be silencing our divergent values, we should just enjoy ? Just being silent consumers?
When I see what is happening in the world, on the contrary, I have more than ever wanted to fight so that my children can become adults, respectful, autonomous, responsible and citizens. Let them learn to know each other better to find their place in this society. Let them learn to cooperate, to help the Other. Let them, in turn, improve their society, participate in it in a responsible and ethical manner, and not leave the school factory as unconscious (unconscious) consumers, without knowing who they are or what they are. they are good. That, because they have been listened to, understood, accompanied at home and at school, they can in turn be those who listen, who understand, who accompany.
That they may have an IMPACT on this society that becomes mad, that despises the human and the diversity of the living.
But I do not want it “for that” = I want it above all for my children. I consider that there is simply a good chance that their lives will have a positive impact on society and the planet if they have been able to benefit from a + human, + respectful education, having deliberately abandoned this greed for competition, external assessments, pressure.
As I write constantly: it is upstream that will change things in depth, not by continuing, with school reforms, to put dressings on a wooden leg …
So yes, obviously not all parents have the same fight to lead!
Some will fight so that their children can calmly live a separation, divorce, or bereavement of a parent. Other parents will fight for their children to have a roof and food. Still others to keep their children safe. Some parents will fight to keep their heads out of the water and offer a minimum of decency and childhood to their children …
I have the chance to live in material comfort, in a safe and pleasant environment, I want to fight so that my children can go to a school that offers the values that I consider essential: freedom, cooperation, benevolence, respect, compassion …
I can not bring myself to remain passive, lulled by beautiful speeches of what is supposed to be this school of the Republic (it is often beautiful, on paper!) And at the same time threatened by the guilty speeches that try to make me pass for a sweet dreamer – a mother-hen – an unconscious who fucks the future of her children in the air – a fucking m … who should return in the right way.
But what is “the right way”? That of passivity, even if I judge that this path is not the right one for us?
Do we really have to give up our aspirations to “let the world turn” and not to make a wave? So that “others” do not feel threatened by our different ways of doing, of living, of searching for meaning ? Do I really threaten the established order?
If this school is what I want for my children, then I have to fight for it.
Yes, it is difficult, it is complex, it is studded with material, financial, human obstacles … but nothing in life is simple and linear.
And most importantly, yes, it is difficult, but I judge, as a parent, that my children deserve it. My children deserve that I fight for them, for the values that I want to convey to them, and that I want their school to transmit to them. They deserve that I give the best of myself. They deserve a school that believes in them and gives the best of themselves to accompany them. It does not exist beside us? So I have to try to create it!
Eliott, an already dubious air on this world …. one would say that he said “in what I just put my feet … ?? : D)
Our children deserve that we give them the best of ourselves, where we think it is necessary (fortunately that not all parents aim to create another school!).
They deserve that we give them our energy, our time, our sweat for what we believe. They deserve that we spend hours of cogitation, doubts and advances, to clearly define what we want best for them and for our family entity. They deserve to be active.
To be a parent is not to allow time to pass, rocked by the sweet purr
air conditioningof our anchored habits (” the factory-school is like that, even if it’s hard, even if it’s sometimes insane, sometimes inhuman” ) and saying that things will happen one day, we will do it later ( “we have time “, “the children are too small” ) …
We will not have “2nd chance” because our children will not have a second childhood